Mayan Prediction Decoded! Print
Think Tank
China Uncensored Staff   

A popular Chinese website, netEase released the first edition of an online newspaper on 31st March, 2011, but it was removed by the Chinese web police before the 1st of April. 2011. The short lived newspaper left bloggers worried about the fate of the editor.

This is the first article on the front page.

Mayan prediction decoded!! Only damn Chinese can survive 2012 Apocalypse!! Stomp your feet!!

WikiLeaks released a leaked U.S. government cable today, which has shocked the world.

This is a report co-authored by NASA, FBI, FDA, EPA and other institutions. The report says, the severe damage caused by the Japanese earthquake and tsunamis to Fukushima Nuclear Plant has been elaborately covered up by the Japanese government. In fact, a huge amount of radioactive substances have already been leaked, and it is unstoppable and irreversible based on the current scientific development. The radiation will soon be carried to every corner of the world by monsoons and ocean currents and inflict harm to all mankind. Within 19 months, all living creatures will be wiped out. This is the truth behind the ancient Mayan prediction of a 2012 Apocalypse.

At the same time, the report sheds light on an astounding secret: research proves that only Chinese people can survive the cataclysm. For so many years, Chinese have been undergoing the baptism of 'black heart cotton,' (factories use rotten cotton to make new clothes, toys etc. --so the Chinese call this material, black heart cotton), melamine-tainted milk, Sudan Red (a -dangerous chemical added to stock feed to make egg yokes red), swill oil, insecticide-tainted ham (poisoned crop insecticide to stop warms growing in meat.), liquor adulterated with methanol, beer with formalin, carcinogenic shampoos.... Coupled with them is the ancient Chinese medicine and I Ching that fortifies our bodies. We have evolved into a brand-new species distinctly different from mankind and totally impervious to weapons and poisons.

Dr. Balderdash, a biologist at U.S. Yale University, said in the report, “Though outwardly Chinese people are still human, but practically they’ve evolved into deities. Nuclear radiation to Chinese is no problem at all. They may even evolve into a more powerful species, which is advanced beyond words, after this round of exposure to radiation. We can only refer to them as God of God, or, Father of God. The U.S. government attempted to use similar methods to improve its citizens’ physical health. However, the U.S. food safety law is so sound, regulations so strict, that they failed. Obama is not daring enough. He absolutely doesn’t have what it takes to be a bold, brutal and brazen political leader. So in the end, the plan of rescuing the United States didn’t work out.”

At the end of the report is U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's comment, “Reviewed. Washington D.C. is stupid c--t. Obama is a wimp. Socialism is the only salvation of the United States. End of the assessment.”

At the same time, the Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs had to hold a press conference to respond to the report with incredulity, “Despite the fact that China’s human rights record is five times better than the U.S., Chinese’ people’s genes, compared with American people, haven’t gone through significant changes. The validity of the 2010 Apocalypse theory is yet to be confirmed. However, people around the world, please believe that Chinese people will always be with you, even when dying. We are definitely your brothers,” spokesperson Qin Gang said.

ooops. Sorry it did not get to be published on 1st Apirl, 2011.